The simple act of posting a picture on social media can be taken in and construed in many different ways, the picture in question was one of me beaming my usual cheesy grin at the camera whilst gently cradling a new born baby. The baby in question is the beautiful Vivvy Rose, the daughter of my Ex Lou and her partner Nick. In the end, after being bombarded with lovely congratulational messages I felt I had to state the baby was not mine.
I'm guessing on reading this it may seem a little strange that one of the first visitors to the hospital to visit the bundle of joy would be the ex-husband but we have a very unique dynamic within our lives, one that many looking in from the outside would perceive to be very strange, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and the people that come into your lives are meant to be and if they are the right people they will fit into your life. From the moment I met Nick I knew we would become good friends. I'm also very lucky that my girlfriend Liz has a similar mind set, she loves Indie and also embraces the very unusual situation she has found herself in. I'm sure many of you reading this will find it strange that we all socialise together, been away together and I've even been on holiday with them but as I said it works for us. I think its beneficial to the little ones that we are on great terms and I wouldn't want it any other way.
So how do the dynamics change within families when a new addition arrives? I think the answer for me came from my own experiences, I am one of six kids, myself, my brother Wes and sister Steph from the same parents, Amber, Georgia and Lauryn I'm guessing you would call my step sisters. However, I don't see it that way, I see them as my sisters, I see them exactly the same way as I would if we had the same parents.
Indie is my entire world and now she has a sister, I think it will take time for Indie to adjust to the fact she will no longer be centre of attention and we have seen changes in her behaviour since the birth, all of a sudden, she isn't interested in me, doesn't want to stay with me and In fact, I think looking from the outside I think she is fighting for Nicks attention. Nick and Indie have a very special relationship, I love the way he is with her, he treats her like she is his own and I feel very lucky that he has that mind-set, he's probably going to spend as much time around her influencing her upbringing as I am.
I know my role in Vivvy's life will be different but Lou and Nick know they have a ready made babysitter on hand (well as long as they don't push their luck ha ha) she will never be excluded from mine and Indies lives, I was thinking how this might work and I asked myself a very simple question, if Indie asked me one day could Vivvy come on holiday with us, come over to play etc? The answer would be yes, I could never exclude her. I heard a story a while back about a woman I know who has two children with two different fathers, one of the Dads came home from holiday and brought with him a present for his daughter and not one for the other kid. This affected me, I thought how it would feel to be the kid that was excluded, they don't understand the dynamics of the situations they are finding themselves in. I promised I would never be that person.
I make no apologies for my happiness regarding the new addition to our unusual family set up, I already adore the little one and I will always be part of her life to support her and love her.
Katie Keeley - 2018-03-12
A few weeks of Indies sleep being interupted and the dynamics being changed will bring her back. Patiece is the key xx
Pauline - 2018-03-12
Hi Dean I've just read your piece all I can say if this works for you carry on its no ones business from what I know of you your daughter and family are your world just keep being you your a talented young man
Carol - 2018-03-12
Well done Dean, so pleased everything is working out for you all. Life is too short, make the most of every minute. Indie & her little Sister are blessed to have you all looking out for them and most of all loving them. I love keeping up with your news and can’t wait for you to be on our TV screens, soon!! Take care. Lolove xx xx (Beautiful photos, by the way) xx xx6025
Rachael Edwards - 2018-03-12
well said welldone the modern family
Jane gardiner - 2018-03-12
Lovely to see you writing again, and yes you do have a very unique relationship with all of your modern family which I have seen first hand and can honestly say that it’s wonderful, you are all very lucky to have such a close relationship, I’m sure many people will benefit from your blog xxx
Shaz - 2018-03-12
Beautiful message mate!!!
Linda - 2018-03-12
I think this is wonderful that you are all thinking of the children, and not weapons to get at one another. Your children because of your love and respect will grow into lovely people as well. Let’s hope more people read this and copy you. I have great respect for all of you and wish you all happiness and love.
Lynn Montague - 2018-03-12
Hi Dean, I loved reading yr blog. You have a great work and family ethic and nowadays with so many couples splitting up and moving on it is refreshing to see how change can be incorporated to enrich the lives of the people who we are part of. You have something very special and unique as I suspect you know.
Tracey bryant - 2018-03-12
I actually have a similar relation ship with my ex husband and his wife because of our daughter but we don't go on holiday just get on for the sake of our daughter, even now that she is 24. Life is a better place when people get on and it makes lofe easier for the child.
Lorraine - 2018-03-12
Love that you have a relationship like this. When my ex and I split up we agreed that it wasn’t about us it was about our boys and their happiness. We too remained friends no step brothers or sisters but two very happy young men now at 26 and 22, they’re loved by everyone and people always comment on how grounded they are ❤️
Michelle - 2018-03-12
The dynamic of families has changed over the years and from what I've just read, yours and your families is working perfectly. We all have histories/a past. Right not to let that affect what is obviously one big happy Family and that Families future. Happy for you all.
Honest mum - 2018-03-12
This is beautiful and so wonderful that you all get on. Thanks for sharing. Amazing pics too xx
Lisa talbot - 2018-03-12
I think it’s fantastic dean especially for Indie! When my eldest daughters dad had a new baby I had him every nearly every weekend so that they had a bond! And I loved him as much as my own... my ex and his new wife were at my wedding photos included and we were at there wedding! Rosie also used to ask me if daddy and Michelle could come to tea and of course they did...I think as a parent you do every thing you can for your children, and like you said what works for one doesn’t always work for another xx
Lisa Baranski - 2018-03-12
Well done you. Your life sounds amazing . I’m really happy for you. Only nice kind people can create peace in there lives. Xx
Sheena proud - 2018-03-12
I too have a very good relationship with my husbands ex wife as i truly live my step kids. I wish more people could be the same as it makes life so much easier
Mikee Freedom - 2018-03-12
Bless you Dean. Coming from a life of living with my mom and being put in foster care as well as children's homes when young i consider myself to have many brothers and sisters even though the situation differs from yours the dynamics are similar. As for little Indie that girl is your double she loves you very much but you don't need me to tell you that. It must hurt though still and I'm going through same with my daughter right now but deep down i know she loves me just going through her teenage years. You & Louise are great people & when i met Nick for the first time I can see how you all get on he's a good man my first impression when i spoke to him was here is a genuine guy. I know everything will work itself out once Indie gets used to the idea of having a little sister that also needs a lot of attention right now. Got a lot of love and respect for you all. All the best Dean.
Kate - 2018-03-13
You got a great family